Pobody's Nerfect
2018 EDIT: This was funny. Not so much at the immediate time, but the more I think about it, and go back over old ground (usually with my 'protagonist' Nigel ) the funnier it gets with the retelling...
Or maybe you just had to be there...
ELEVENTH BLOG
9.01.14
I have a confession to make. I make mistakes. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, but I really do. I have a Facebook friend that’s a real friend too (i.e. I’ve met him. Twice. Maybe three times now.) He liked my posts on friends’ walls, I liked his, so he befriended me. He could see that I was a bit of a ‘Grammar Nazi’, and so one day when he tentatively messaged me and asked whether I could take criticism and I was ‘hormonal’ and my hackles started rising immediately, I wondered what was about to come. Here is our conversation... (and before anyone starts, I’ve not amended the typing in this, so it contains all original errors ... not from me though, I hasten to add, well apart from the one GLARING one.)
05/06/2013 14:31 Him: erm.... how are you with constructive criticism?(I can't believe I'm saying this to someone whom I've never met)
05/06/2013 15:07 Me: Not great - so tread carefully (mind you, there's always the 'unfriend' option ...)
05/06/2013 15:08 Him: You may call me a clever tw*t if you feel I deserve it...You might even potentially pretend its been done on purpose.............
05/06/2013 15:10 Me: What? *already frosty*
05/06/2013 15:10 Him: *can tell* *treads carefully*
05/06/2013 15:10 Me: Just spit it out.
05/06/2013 15:11 Him: Errrrm... you know on LinkedIn
05/06/2013 15:11 Me: Yes
05/06/2013 15:11 Him: Where it says youre a proofreader. It doesnt. It says Proofeader
05/06/2013 15:11 Me: Lol
05/06/2013 15:11 Him: *phew*
05/06/2013 15:12 Me: That'll be why the jobs aren't pouring in then.
At this point, I believe I thought he was joking. Obviously as I’m continuing my messaged conversation with him I am simultaneously checking my LinkedIn entry. Imagine my unmitigated shame when I realise he’s telling the truth.
05/06/2013 15:12 Him: Hahahaha
05/06/2013 15:12 Me: It was done on purpose ...*lying*
05/06/2013 15:12 Him: its a great idea!!
05/06/2013 15:13 Me: You've gone in and done that, haven't you? *blushing* B**TARD!!! (That last bit isn't directed at you) F**k sake. 05/06/2013 15:14 Him: Gone in and done what??
05/06/2013 15:15 Me: Taken out the 'r'. It's back now. F**k knows how that happened. I feel like a right tw*t. ARSE.Thanks. I owe you a pint.Two if you keep this between us.
05/06/2013 15:17 Him: I'll just have the one pint then. I'm just changing my status as we speak
05/06/2013 15:17 Me: BALLS
05/06/2013 15:17 Him: MUHAHAHAHA
05/06/2013 15:17 Me: muthaf**ka
05/06/2013 15:17 Him: OK you win 2 pints
05/06/2013 15:17 Me: *phew*
05/06/2013 15:18 Him: Am I not even allowed to tell family and friends? I really am a clever twat arent I?
05/06/2013 15:18 Me: I'll throw in some salt and vinegar crisps for that. You can tell family, but friends - well they'll all stand, laugh and point.
05/06/2013 15:18 Him: OK family it is...
05/06/2013 15:18 Me: I already feel like a complete douche, 05/06/2013 15:19 Me: I have a feeling you'll tell who you like....
A couple of minutes passed, and it was eating away at me ...
05/06/2013 15:21 Me: You have no idea how gutted I am about that f**king mistake on f**king LinkedIn. What a f**king tw*t. GUTTED. 05/06/2013 15:21 Him: Really?Give over - only a proofreader (or clever twat) would notice
05/06/2013 15:23 Me: or a f**king proofEADER. GAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH Thing is, I know plenty of clever tw*ts (let's face it, I am one, and it takes one to know one) and the amount that must have seen that and noticed it and NOT said anything. So, thanks - a true mate who I've never met.
Emoticons followed of thumbs up and ‘halos’*
05/06/2013 15:40 Me: I'm not going to pick you up on any typos, not after what you've done for me today!It wasn't there once but TWICE. Lawksamussy!
05/06/2013 15:40 Him: I thought youd be falling over yourself to do that!Yes I noticed the other one too
05/06/2013 15:40 Me: Can't. Feel such a fool. Ohh Shut UP! 05/06/2013 15:40 Him: But I thought it was just because it carried on from the title. I gave you the benefit of doubt on the 2nd
05/06/2013 15:41 Me: don't even try to make an excuse up for me. I don't know what the f**k happened there, I really don't. I'm 1000000000x mortified.
05/06/2013 15:42 Him: I think its clearly one of the lessons we have to learn. Like never update our LinkedIn page when drunk
05/06/2013 15:42 Me: I don't deserve the benefit of any doubt. I'm usually such a stickler I'm appalled. Mortified. Dying a death.I never do anything like that (LinkedIn, texting, dialling) when drunk.
So, the point of this is, in my usual style, I’m permitting you all to stand, point and laugh, and even throw in a Nelson Muntz-like ‘Haw-haw’, if you will. I like to think I’m perfect, and that I check, check, and check again before putting anything ‘out there’, but sometimes my brain makes my fingers move so fast typing that the momentum makes me do things I shouldn’t!
The fact that this error was on LinkedIn - the networking site for people’s business side of life as opposed to the social side - makes it so much more shameful. I will never know (or perhaps now I will find out) how many people spotted it, laughed, and moved on. Or, alternatively, how many people spotted it, saw it for the very smart marketing ploy it so OBVIOUSLY was, and tipped their imaginary hats to me with a ‘Fair play, Sorrel, fair play.’ OK, I’m not fooling anyone with that last one. I messed up. People do. But USUALLY, I’m pretty good at spotting ‘typos’, spelling mistakes, repetition of words, and poor syntax. I should hope so, as I’m setting myself up in business this year as a proofreader who people will pay to spot their mistakes and put them right, as well as a copywriter who can write, erm, ‘copy’.
I also learnt an important lesson for my chosen profession for the future after our recent move to Devon. Be careful to pay attention when highly stressed, or pay the price.
I allowed myself to be ripped off when I changed the details on my driving license. I was understandably frazzled from moving, and in this heightened state of stressed-ness, thought it was of the utmost importance that I amended my address as soon as humanly possible and went to a website that had DVLA (Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency) in its title, but was nothing to do with the DVLA. I’ve had to refrain from going back to them to ask for my money back, as on closer inspection on the first page of their website, it says they are nothing to do with the DVLA and they just FILL OUT A FORM FOR YOU. I am completely capable of filling out a form, and yet, I have paid someone forty f**king pounds for the pleasure. OUT. OF. MY. MIND.
Serious bit:
It would be churlish of me not to name the correspondent in this piece, especially as he’s had a book published and I haven’t. Oh, and he’s survived cancer - and I hope to dodge that completely. He’s pretty inspirational (and I know he’s humble enough - well, almost - to be blushing at these words) so if you want to read about what he went through, or you know someone going through cancer that could do with some support, might I direct you to his web page http://www.nigelshort.co.uk- if you buy his book (paperback or download), which is a compilation of the blog he wrote from diagnosis through treatment to remission (hurrah!) £1 from each sale will go to Weston Park Hospital in Sheffield.
The final word comes from a more recent exchange ...
27/12/2013 22:55
Me: Oh, and you've reminded me - I have it down as a blog to do - the Proofeader (imagine if it had been Poofreader?!)
27/12/2013 22:56 Him: Poofreader would have been amazing. And appealed to an entirely different audience.
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